Salvaged and Alive
by maki0202
Summary: AU Jyn and Cassian are rescued at Scarif, and taken to Planet Curah to hide from the Imperial forces. As they adjust to the new life, Cassian feels anxious about returning to the Rebels, but insists Jyn remain in Curah. And he dared to ask what she wanted. [Jyn/Cassian]
1. Chapter 1

**Salvaged and Alive**

A/N: AU (but is it really AU?). At the end of R1, is it really impossible that Jyn and Cassian had survived?! This is my (wishful)take, as I'm firmly not ready to say goodbye to these characters. Not yet, anyway.

. . . . . . .

 **Chapter 1**

"Your father would be proud of you, Jyn."

She looked into his eyes, shimmering in the welling of her tears, but more so of the ominous red heat reflected from beyond the horizon. The sand beneath her fingers shook ever so softly, but with each wave the ground reverberated in its core with gloomy and deathly conclusion. But Cassian, his eyes and his posture, showed none of the fear or defeat.

"I'd like to promise you of safety, but it doesn't look like I can do that at the moment." He even jested, with an easy smirk to match the slight crinkle of his retiring eyes. Cassian had kept his hand clutching his side, but now the hand dropped to the warm water with acceptance. And she had accepted as well.

"You don't have to. I'm ready." Jyn would've liked to give him a little smile, but she had none of the pretense and he would never ask for such. Instead, she reached for Cassian's hand, and he obliged her with not a pause. His hand was calloused and hard, but pulsated with life in her hand, there at the end of his long and mysterious journey emanated warmth and earnestness. And she dared to wish it, against her heart that feared against it, that if she could remain in that touch for a time longer than tomorrow.

Then the sky roared and thundered, in its agony of impending doom, and the ocean waves resounded in the fury of fire from within. The waves crashed and burned at their feet, and her cheeks coiled in the prickly stings of unrelenting heat drawing nearer in suffocation. The ground shook and boomed in protest, and it pulled her feet in, ready to explode in terror and in forces unknown.

It was then that Cassian pulled her into his arms, holding her in tight embrace. His warm cheek pressed into hers, and his arms steadied her frame that was shaking unaware. He held her tight, pressing her body into his, and it was then that she knew the time had come. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and didn't fight back the tears that yearned for her father, desired for a life beyond what she could dare imagine, and relegated triumphant in the hope that her own hands had beheld. She was ready, and she only had to hold on to Cassian until they stepped onto the other side.

"Jyn…" In the deafening quake, Cassian shifted her toward the shore, and against the blinding haze of the wicked glow, her eyes spotted a small Imperial shuttle hovering on the trembling sand. She thought it only a dream, a mere mirage of imagination, until the door of the shuttle opened and a desperate voice cried out.

"Get in!"

"Who are you?" Jyn yelled only in reflex, as she already knew she didn't give a damn with death eagerly waiting for her.

"Get in now!"

Cassian had no hesitation for the man in question as he huddled himself up and grabbed Jyn's arm, roughly tugging her forward. And with the strength she'd forgotten to have owned, she willed her legs to push and quicken, and her arms held onto Cassian as he recoiled in the pain he'd forgotten to have owned. And she ran, pulling Cassian as he slugged and limped, with the flickering hope that there might be life tomorrow after all.

Jyn pushed Cassian into the shuttle and quickly pressed the door shut, and the pilot didn't wait a breath longer as he launched the aircraft upward. The small shuttle rattled under the falling rocks like a hapless leaf in the storm, but there was determination and resolve as it roared in a blazing speed.

"We're not going to make it." Cassian muttered softly as Jyn sat him on the metal floor, just as he winced in pain, clutching his side with a desperate grip.

"I wouldn't bet on that, captain." The pilot managed to hear Cassian's quip and replied to him in droll precision, just as the shuttle sharply dodged a catapulting boulder of landmass intent on their way. The sky became no longer the sky as the world she knew darkened around them, and Jyn held onto Cassian in her arms, tempted to agree with his assessment of their dire bearing.

It didn't take long for Cassian to fall silent, as his head rolled gently onto her shoulder. He had passed out from the wound on his side, and Jyn laid him gingerly on the cot, covering him with her thin jacket. She held his head on her lap until the pilot steadied the shuttle and before them laid the twinkling stars of endless black. They had made it. That much, she was sure of.

"My friend needs a medic." Jyn left Cassian lying behind her, and climbed onto the passenger seat beside the pilot.

"I know. Give me an hour."

"An hour?"

"Even with the punch, that's the best I can do."

Jyn faced the pilot squarely and studied him, giving him none of the pretense of propriety or decorum. She couldn't mask the distrust of the mysterious man, regardless of how he had managed to save her life just now. And her life was in his hands, of a fact she did not like one bit. With a frustrated huff, she took in his fair complexion, dark grey eyes, tight thin lips, and robust shoulders. He looked to be close to her age, which only forced her to remember her own age of twenty-two. Her thoughts trailed off to Cassian, wondering how old he was…

"You done sizing me up?" The pilot grinned and winked at her, which heightened her peaked nerves and she weighed whether it was simply easier to kill him.

"Who are you?"

"My name is Bastian. I was your father's pilot."

"What…"

"Yup. It was me and Bodhi…" His voice broke off with trembling uncertainty, at the memory of the fallen friend, and he nodded at the consciousness of Jyn's scrutinizing eyes. "Your father gave each of us a job. Bodhi did his job, and I'm doing mine."

"What's your job?"

"Galen asked me to keep you alive when you came to Scarif."

"How…how did you know I'd come to Scarif?"

"I didn't. But your father did."

"So…you just waited…until I showed up?"

"Yup. I promised your father I would."

"But…how…?"

"When you're an Imperial pilot, you blend right in."

"I don't believe you…" Jyn stuttered hastily, uncertain as to why she didn't want to believe him, why her first instinct was to fight his words. "Why should I believe you? How do you expect me to believe any of this? For all I know, you could be flying us straight to the Imperial death sentence…"

"Look…you can trust me." He threw his hands up in feigned surrender, "I risked my own life to save your ass back there, so the least you can do is give me a chance."

"I have no reason to trust you."

"Feisty. Galen could've given me a warning about you."

Jyn chose to ignore his veiled jest, firmly electing to keep him at well-warned distance. "Where are we headed?"

"Curah."

"Never heard of it."

"That's why we're going there." Bastian smiled at her unassumingly, "It's a small planet in the outskirts, mainly of dry red desert, completely useless to the Imperial. It's quiet there, and we intend to keep it that way."

"My friend, he's hurt badly…" Jyn looked back at the still figure of Cassian lying on the cot, "If he dies in your hands, I'll kill you myself."

"Woah, woah…relax…" He turned to her with disquieting ease, "Captain Cassian Andor is…"

"How do you know who he is? How do you know his name?"

"Your faces were plastered all over the system as soon as you locked yourselves in the vault. Hence, the reason to stake down low at Curah."

"No…"

"Unfortunately, yes…" He shrugged his shoulders in mild concern, "It's one thing to escape Scarif, it's another to keep your head as an Imperial criminal. But no reason to fear, Galen knew this would happen and he prepared a hideout for you at Curah. Just didn't expect you to bring a friend."

"He goes wherever I go."

"Alright, alright…that much is clear… _crystal_ clear."

. . . . .

"We're here."

Jyn jolted awake at Bastian's call, herself alarmed that she had let down her guard and succumbed to sleep. She simply nodded her head at Bastian, and turned her attention to Cassian in still slumber by her knees. She laid her hand gently upon his cheek, and he felt cold and clammy to her touch. He shuddered and muttered something incoherently, and she held onto his body with heart's desperation, "Hold on just a little longer…"

The shuttle landed with a soft thud, and when the door opened it was the darkest night with not a light flickering in the distance. An older man appeared midst the dry wind, and he quickly sized up Cassian slumped at her side. Jyn watched him as he touched for Cassian's pulse, and quickly called out, "Let's get him inside."

Jyn and the older man carried Cassian into a house that appeared to be a mound of dry land, and inside an older woman was seen clearing a long table, "Here, lay him here. Quickly."

Everything was happening too fast for Jyn, as the older couple took over Cassian and proceeded to undress him in the frenzy. The woman brought a small device that blinked and buzzed, and she held the device over Cassian with robotic precision. Jyn cried out to the woman in panic, "Wait, what are you doing?"

"Step back, it'll be alright." Bastian touched her arm in caution, but she breathlessly flicked off his hand.

"No, you tell me what you're doing to him."

"This device checks for internal damage, such as broken bones, bleeding…" The older woman replied calmly but swiftly, "We've got to do this quickly."

"Let me…" She scoffed at the device that was unfamiliar to her, but she couldn't just allow them to take over Cassian, "Let me take his clothes off."

Jyn pushed away the older man and took over unbuttoning Cassian's shirt, cringing and crying with horror at the sight of two large welts at both sides of his lower abdomen. Jyn looked over to his face, of his cold and sweaty forehead, and she fought back the tears that welled up at the thought of losing him, of surviving any of this without him. "Cassian…Cassian…"

"He's alive…" The older woman gently guided Jyn to step back, "And he's going to be alive. You've just got to let me do my job."

Jyn wasn't aware, but Bastian had also pulled her back as the couple resumed their care upon Cassian. The woman operated the device over his chest and abdomen, and she turned to Jyn with a slight smile, "Thankfully no bones broken or internal bleeding. Muscles are severely bruised, but I've got just what he needs to remedy that."

. . . . . .

"Jyn…" His voice was hoarse and cracked with heavy fatigue, and his eyes searched for her with alarm and distress, until she stood from her chair and stroked his arm.

"I'm here..." Cassian's skin felt warm and soft to her touch, a marked difference from not two hours ago when he was sweating cold bullets. The hot compress prepared by the older woman had soothed his wounds, and now his cheeks emanated a shade of rose designating return of certain measurable health.

"What's happened?"

"You slept for two hours…"

"I mean…" Cassian's eyes explored the surroundings with widened bewilderment, "Where are we?"

"We're at…Curah."

"Curah? Never heard of it." Cassian attempted to sit up, but his own pain cautioned against it, "Where's the…pilot?"

"Next room, with the others."

"Others?"

"Cassian…" Jyn pressed down his chest to convince him to lie down again, "You need to rest…"

"Do you have a blaster on you?"

"No."

"Great…" Cassian attempted to get up again, even with a muffled groan and clenched teeth, "We need to get out of here."

"Cassian, you're in no condition to walk, let alone make it off this table."

"She's right, Captain Andor. I suggest you stay right where you are." At the stern voice of the older woman, both Cassian and Jyn turned to face the door that swung open. There at the doorway stood the three strangers whom Jyn felt have met a lifetime ago.

But Cassian was never one to be easily persuaded by mere words, "If you knew who we were, you'd let us go."

"We know who you are, and you're not going anywhere."

"The hell we're not…" Cassian managed to gather his weak legs to kick off the table, and held out his hand to Jyn, "You ready?"

"Captain Andor…" Now it was Bastian's turn to address the irascible patient, "You will stay right where you are, until we have a word with Jyn…alone."

"What…" Jyn looked searchingly at the three, "A word? Alone?"

"Yes." Bastian motioned with an impatient flicker toward the opened door, "Right this way."

"No." Jyn recoiled at the thought of being separated from Cassian, and promptly held his hand that was stretched out for her to take, "Whatever you have to tell me, you can tell me in front of him."

"That's not possible." Bastian stated firmly, with furtive glances at the couple that had remained eerily silent, "Jyn, you must come with me."

"No. Cassian stays with me." Jyn declared resolutely, and squeezed Cassian's hand to reassure the situation, "We stay together."

"Very well, then." The serene voice of the older woman startled the company into wordlessness, just as she turned to Bastian, "Get the message."

"But…it's only for Jyn."

"Bastian, Jyn is no longer operating as one person."

"I can't…I promised…"

"It's alright. Go get it, or I will."

That must've been the last and final push that persuaded Bastian, as he trudged to the room and reappeared with a small transmitter in his hands. With a tint of reluctance, he set it up on the very table that Cassian had laid on. He flicked on the switch, and it reverberated softly with life. Then he faced Jyn with a whisper of dour countenance, "Jyn…this is from your father. He had instructed me to show it to you once you've arrived at Curah."

Jyn stared at the transmitter until it emanated a faint grainy light of blue hue, with an undeniable form of her father. He had saved her a hologram.

" _Jyn, if you can see this, that means you've made it out alive from Scarif and for that I am grateful beyond words can express. I am proud of the work you have achieved, and I am at peace knowing that my mission in life had come to full fruition, all because of you. How I wish I can share this moment with you, as we look forward to the new hope, to the future where remains life holding my daughter in my own arms. Jyn, I want nothing more than for your safety, for you to live beyond this circumstance, to live to experience the hope I long for. For that purpose, I've arranged the living quarters where you stand at this moment. I will assume you've already met my trusted pilot, Bastian. And standing in front of you are Sewald and Marda Petrom, my dear friends whom I've given instructions to take care of you. Accept them into your arms as I have, and trust them as I have. I hope they will be a family to you, as they have been to me. My dear Jyn, my dear stardust, live long if only for me, if only to assuage my aching heart for you."_


	2. Chapter 2

**Salvaged and Alive**

 **Chapter 2**

"Father…"

The hologram had long ended, and there remained only the stillness of the hushed air and the hazy glimmer of grainy blue ember. But Jyn couldn't take her eyes off of the very spot, intently staring at the faded wooden table that had just reflected the face of her dear father. She blinked her teary eyes, dazed and entranced, with the world around her halting about in lifeless blur. She felt her ragged breath drown her, and her very own limbs detach and fall at her feet.

"Jyn…" In the thinness of silence, Cassian's reassuring voice broke through as he whispered her name, as he laid a gentle hand upon her shoulder. And he left his hand there, the warmth of the touch becoming more real in his determined grasp. "Jyn…"

Then as abrupt as a snap of lightning, Jyn turned to the three strangers, whose eyes beheld hers in suspended anticipation. She was told to trust them, but she didn't know how. "Are there any other messages for me, from my father?"

"No…none to our knowledge," Marda answered gravely.

"He's dead…" Jyn wasn't sure what compelled her to utter those words, and she no longer gave heed to thinking before speaking, "He died at Eadu."

"We know…" Bastian offered with a strained glare, "I'm sorry…"

"He died for me…" Jyn spoke firmly and resolutely, perhaps more to herself, as strength and spirit gradually returned to her eyes, "He died for all of us."

"He was the bravest man we've ever known." Marda's hand rested upon Jyn's back, circling the tense muscles with her warm plump hand, "We owe our lives to Galen."

There was something soothing and familiar about Marda, in her strong reassuring hands, in her plain dress that smelled of simple times, and in her serene posture that nurtured the weak. Jyn dared to open ajar the memories of her mother, the very memories she had allowed herself to unlock only in the deep of the night and in the presence of no other. And with the heart that wept for her father, the heart yearned for her mother. It was the boundless mire of aches and agony, with the tempered walls crumbling as she heeded no attention, that Jyn didn't flinch away from Marda but leaned into her tender regard. "How do you know my father?"

"I was an engineer with your father at the Imperial Weapons Development. I worked with him for four years, until my poor eyesight can no longer allow me to. I was forced to retire two years ago." Sewald's deep voice, along with pensive longing etched on his eyes, told of the painful secrets of his own, "The Imperial capital planned to ship us to some war junkyard, but it was Galen who arranged for us to settle in Curah."

"And we've been waiting for you," Marda added. "Everything that your father did…was for you. Jyn, your father loved you very much, and he worked so hard to ensure that you have a good life and be happy."

"Happy…" Jyn couldn't help but to scoff at the word, "I don't know what that means."

"For us, it's a simple life of living without fear."

"But…there's always fear. There's fear everywhere." Jyn shifted away from Marda, at the rearing of hardened grit that had witnessed too much to bear, "You're foolish to think you could live without fear."

"What your father wanted for you…was to have a home." Sewald broke in cautiously, "No more running, no more looking behind your back, and no more of not knowing where to sleep at night. He wanted you to have a home…and feel safe, if only for one night and another."

"You do realize my being here…is dangerous. If the Imperial found out where I am…"

"We're ready to face that, if it comes."

"Let's see if you can say that with your gut at the end of their blaster." Jyn muttered with a mean lick, losing composure and giving in to fiery release, "Let's see if you can say that when your home is blasted to bits."

"Jyn…" Cassian's sharp tone rang in the air as a blunt warning, and the deep furrows above his eyes didn't mask his disapproval. But it wasn't enough to dissuade Jyn, as she wasn't quite done with reckless doling of truth.

"And you…" She turned to Bastian, "Don't be thinking you're safe, either."

With a heavy huff, Jyn sought a door, any door that would lead her out of this house, away from this company. She felt suffocated with the compulsion to flee, if anything to regain control of her heated emotions and conduct. She spotted the old metal door that led to outside, and bounded into the cool night air, before anyone can tell her otherwise. And the last words she heard was Cassian quietly warning Marda, "Leave her be."

. . . . . . . .

Jyn stared off to the row of tiny flickering lights that disappeared into the black night, as if engulfed by an ominous apparition that beheld of deathly secrets. The horizon of unknown beginning and the end was indeed terrifying, but she was familiar with being alone in the night, with not knowing what breathed two steps ahead of her. She had lived that life for as long as she can remember, and her heart hardened to prevail that she was not afraid.

The lone wind carried a lace of chill that cooled her face, and she clenched the wooden railing with steely restraint, with a tinge of regret and anguish. She had no right to lash out at them, the very people whom her father had entrusted with her care. Her father…had wished this life for her. But she couldn't settle in this. She was a different person, a different animal. An animal that hasn't been caged, at all, and who certainly didn't need help with hiding.

Jyn was content to meld into the ghostly black for as long as allowed, but at the sound of the door being pushed open, she sighed at being summoned back to the living. And she didn't have to turn to know who had just stepped onto the porch behind her.

"Jyn…" Cassian's voice sounded small in the vastness of the night, but Jyn could sense his glistening eyes fixated upon her.

"I know…I know…I'm sorry."

"It's not me who you need to apologize to."

She was reminded that Cassian was never one to resist from the obligation to scold. But thankfully, he was a man of few words. And in the night shadows, Jyn could make out his broad face, of his proud nose and reserved lips, and of his kind eyes. It was a face she had become accustomed to, a face she had sought as if for a lifetime. And in the beating recesses of her hardened heart, Jyn felt a stirring of pain that she couldn't explain, even to herself. "I can't stay here…"

"I know."

"I don't belong here."

"It's what your father wanted…"

"I don't belong anywhere…" Jyn whispered, startled at her own realization, "I only know how to hide, how to run…"

"Jyn…" His voice cracked with a tremble as he stepped closer to her, so close that she felt his soft breath curling on her face, "Trust your father…"

"I don't need anybody to help me…to survive…"

"Everybody needs somebody…"

Jyn turned her eyes at Cassian, "Wasn't expecting you to say that..."

"I'm surprised myself." He let out a soft chuckle, but such moment of gentle diversion lasted only a breath as he locked eyes with her, "Jyn, I need you…to be safe. I need to know that you'll be safe."

"Cassian…"

"Stay here. For your father…for me…"

"What if…what if something happens to them…because of me? They didn't ask for this…"

"You can't live in that fear. We don't have the luxury to contemplate…not anymore."

Jyn paused to revel in the cool mist of the night teasing her face, of the momentary interlude with Cassian, who stood just a whisper away, whose proximity impaired her, whose warmth weakened her, and whose touch emboldened her. And she dared to think what she would do if anything happened to him. "What about you…what will you do?"

Cassian hesitated, but his eyes stayed on hers with resolve, "I need to go back to the Rebels. You know that…"

She simply nodded. She would never admit to him that she had expected him to stay with her; that was foolish. "When will you go?"

"Soon, I hope. I need to get a word to them."

"Perhaps the Rebels could use another fearless renegade…"

"No…no, Jyn…" He persisted with a fixed glare, "You have done more than what we have asked of you. You have completed your mission, and you will do nothing more for us."

"Cassian…"

"You're a civilian now."

"There are no civilians in a war."

"This discussion is over." At the sharpness of those final words, Cassian's voice softened to a whisper, "Jyn…it's best that you stay here…please…"

It was then that she felt the weight of her spirit drop to the depth of her being, at the realization that Cassian would be leaving her, at the despair that the one person she trusted would be leaving her. And he was right; everybody needed somebody. She needed him. She needed Cassian.

"Cassian…can I ask you of one thing?"

"Anything…"

"Will you stay here with me, for a little while?"

"Of course…of course, I will…" And he pulled her into his arms and held her, in an embrace that needed no words to explain or to understand. His hand nestled on her neck and caressed her hair, and his arm held her securely just as her legs felt weak in the heat of his body. The black night sky blurred into grey as time stood still, as Cassian didn't let go of her and she didn't want him to.

In that haze of desire and fervor, in the mysterious expanse she felt lost in, in the time that bewitched her like no other, her fearful words flowed to Cassian, "I need only you."

And his lips fluttered against her ear, whispering, "And I, you."

. . . . . . . . .

 **A/N: Thank you for the support! And thank you for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Salvaged and Alive**

 **Chapter 3**

Jyn's eyes shot open, with her temple drenched in sweat, her arms flailing against a ghostly barrage, and her entire body shuddering to the core. The dreams didn't come often, not anymore, but when they did, they always had the same conclusion: Jyn, as a small young girl being chased by a row of death troopers, and she would scream for her mother and father to come save her, but they never came.

She inhaled deeply of the musty warm air and settled back onto the pillow, blinking hard at the grey ceiling above her and clutching onto her necklace as a habit in battle against her own frenetic heartbeat. And she waited until the world fell still again, as the tumult and the storm hushed in the gentle whisper of her mother, "Trust in the force."

It was then that Jyn became conscious of her surroundings, as she lied on the lone bed in a small room of bare walls and humble spirit. She wasn't entirely sure how she ended up in this room, for the last clear memory of the night before was that of Cassian, holding her securely against the wind and against the uncertainty. She had told him she needed him, and it was still true in the morning, if not more so. She got up from the bed languidly, with her mind solely haunted by Cassian. Where is he…where is Cassian…

Jyn looked out of the carved window above the bed, squinting her eyes in the harsh streak of fresh morning sunlight. The view from the window produced what appeared to be endless miles of red desert, save for occasional metal boxes strewn about that shimmered against the sun. There was a stone well not far from the house, and an old rusted desert transport rested amidst a metal junk heap. Jyn sighed unceremoniously, leaning her forehead against the grainy window. Is this life…for her? Can it? And for how long?

Across from the window, a scrap of mirror hung on the wall, and a small metal table underneath it beheld a washbasin and some cloth. Marda must've prepared them for her. Jyn approached the mirror tentatively and stared at the reflection, unable to recall the last time she had looked in the mirror. She recognized the green eyes that pierced back at her, but she gasped at her face, at the ruddy dirt that had settled on her cheeks to her neck. She was never one to care for her appearance, nor particular about keeping clean. But this time, it felt different. Her grimy appearance mortified her and filled her with peculiar pangs of contempt.

She hastily drowned her hands into the water in the washbasin, with the mud and the grime of her fingers already tarnishing the clear. She splashed her face with the cool water, and scrubbed her neck and arms until not a speck of brown had endured. A timid shade of rose returned to tint her clean cheeks, and she noted her lips were full with deep coral hue. She even felt compelled to let down her hair, combing through with water to rid of the clumps of dirt and sweat. Her dark brown hair fell to her shoulders, with the ends curling ever so teasingly across her collarbone.

She then regarded the pile of clothing set on the table, its worn cotton soft and tender to her touch. It was faintly saturated with austere brown, the same shade of Marda's dress, and as Jyn held it up in the air, it was indeed a dress of plain grace. This was for her, she was sure of it. But when was the last time she's worn a dress? Even as a young child, undeterred by her mother's persuasion, she scoffed at dresses and rather, ran around in the mud and rolled down the grassy hills in pants. She had squealed when her father made storm trooper dolls, so she could line them up and blast them with her stick launchers.

And now she looked down upon her own clothes, of dirt patches and streaks, torn and shredded in some places, marked with blood and anguish on most places. Then without thought, she kicked off her black combat boots, next came the shirt and the belt, and the pants fell last upon the disgraced heap on the floor. She examined her willowy legs, pale and sturdy, with faded bruises marking the memories of every desperate escape.

She held the dress before her like a fragile web, and slid it over her head, letting the billowy cloth slink down to her knees. The shoulders fitted as if the dress was mindful of her, and she tied the sash around the waist into a bow, feeling amused that her calloused fingers could manage that. And she looked into the mirror, her eyes skimming over the simple stitching of the neckline, and her pale neck and collarbone that she wasn't accustomed to seeing. She was a woman…born a daughter…no matter how much she disregarded with hardened armor and mettle.

But it wasn't out of habit that she reached for her black combat boots, thrusting her bare dainty feet into them. She was a woman, yes, but she was also a fighter. And she must be ready to fight at all times.

. . . . . . .

Jyn saw Cassian first, seated at the wooden table by the kitchen, and he was eating something out of a bowl. He had changed his clothes as well, and he was wearing plain blue shirt and pants, much like Sewald's attire.

"Well…well…she awakes." Cassian looked up with a teasing smirk, but something flashed across his eyes as he took in her form in a dress. "You cleaned up nicely…"

Although he tried his best at gentlemanly discretion, his darting eyes roamed from her face to her feet, and the tinge of glisten in his eyes made her feel curiously flustered and abashed. She couldn't explain why her face felt flushed in heat, and she could scarcely return his glare that sought her eyes. Instead, she tightened her jaw and attempted to dismiss him, "In case you've forgotten I'm a woman…"

"Oh, I haven't forgotten."

She didn't know what to say to him. "I look ridiculous in this…"

"No…no, you don't." Cassian's eyes crinkled in an easy smile, but the indescribable haze lingered on his face, and he didn't seem to object to it.

"You cleaned up nicely yourself."

"Can't compete with you, though."

Jyn had hardly blinked to retort when Marda appeared from the kitchen, "Jyn…I'm glad the dress fits you. My, don't you look beautiful."

"Thank you…" She nodded bashfully, "Thank you for the dress…and the bed…and the room…"

"That will now be your own room. I hope you found it comfortable."

"Yes…it's more than I can ask for."

"Here...have some breakfast." Marda placed a bowl of porridge and a tall glass of water on the table before her. Jyn couldn't remember the last time she's had warm food to eat.

"Did you not see the shoes I set for you on the floor?" Marda inquired, noting Jyn's black combat boots protruding from her dress. "I set them by the bed…"

"You can put a dress on a girl, but it's another to take her out of combat." Cassian muttered with a muffled snicker, "Nothing like getting your ass kicked by a girl in a dress, I imagine."

Jyn shot him a sharp glare, feeling more indignant than she should, "If it's alright with you, Marda, I feel more comfortable in these shoes."

"Mark of a true soldier…" Cassian smiled broadly at her, "Don't let the dress fool you."

Jyn wasn't sure if his words were in mere jest, or if he was indulging in some callous laughter at her expense. Either way, she decided to ignore him altogether. "Where's Bastian?"

"He left for the capital," Cassian's voice resumed its usual grave tone, "We need to collect intel. I suspect a lot of movement at the Imperial base, especially after Scarif."

"And Sewald?"

"Outside, getting the transport ready."

"The transport? For what?"

And as on cue, Sewald entered the house, with a trail of red sand in curling vapor. He faced Jyn with a warm smile, "Good morning…"

"Good morning…" She couldn't help the rather curt tone, but she turned to Cassian just as quickly, "What's the transport for?"

"Is the transport ready, sir?" Cassian got up from the chair briskly and walked toward Sewald in large bounding steps, hastily disregarding Jyn's question rather cruelly.

"Yes…" Sewald answered him with an uneasy eye on Jyn, "It's ready if you are."

"Where are you going?" Jyn grabbed Cassian's arm and demanded of him. He stopped fussing with his belt, and looked at her squarely with a restless huff.

"We're going to the main city…there are traders there with wave transmitters. I need to send the mission report to the Rebels." He leaned in to her with impatience, "It's a half-day's travel. We need to leave now."

"I'm going with you."

"No, you're not."

"It's not your call."

"Yes, it is my call." Cassian started toward the door again, "You're not coming with us because we don't need the damn attention."

"You need protection…"

"I can handle it."

"You don't know what's out there…"

"That has never stopped me."

"Cassian…" Jyn placed her hand upon his arm, in a gentle plead, "I want to go with you."

He seemed reluctant to heed attention to her, as he brushed past her and bounded out of the house without missing a step. Jyn followed him outside, keeping with his quick steps and doggedly determined as he was. The blistering sunlight immediately overwhelmed her senses, and the soft sand thudded underneath her unwieldy boots. But her sole focus was Cassian, and he knew it, too.

Sewald was already seated at the helm of the rusted transport, and Cassian loaded two black bags into the cargo compartment. The old civilian transport only seated two passengers, but that did not deter Jyn as she stood a breath away from him.

Cassian turned to face her, finally, and this time his lips curled into a small smile, "The desert is not an ideal place for a home, don't you agree?"

"Cassian…"

"But then again, some people don't have the luxury to choose." He then brought his hand to her face, and his calloused fingers tenderly stroked her cheek, "Hold down the fort in the meantime. Okay, stardust?"

His thumb caressed her cheek one last time, and then he briskly jumped on the passenger seat. But before the transport gear turned and roared away, Cassian turned and locked eyes with Jyn, "We'll be back before sundown."

. . . . . . .

The rest of the morning was spent helping Marda clean the kitchen, and although Jyn had vague memories of helping her mother, the ordinary routine of upkeeping a home did not come instinctively to her. She found herself merely mimicking Marda, as best as she could without seemingly so, but she'd rather go outside and rummage through their metal pile instead.

"You and Captain Andor seem close…" Marda spoke in a hushed tone, just as she finished drying the last of their austere white bowls.

The words startled Jyn, catching her off-guard. She couldn't understand why she resisted those words, wanting none of the conversation she didn't ask for. "As close to someone I've met five days ago."

"You are very protective of him…"

"Well, he and I almost died once or twice, so it must come with the territory."

"I suppose so…" Marda smiled warmly, "It must make you care for him very deeply."

"As much as I care for someone I know nothing about…"

"You seem to know enough…" Marda leaned against the counter, facing Jyn, "You know only what matters, and that's enough."

"I don't know what _matters_ anymore…"

"What matters is those you love."

"Yeah, well, I don't have a great track record keeping that list." Jyn spoke wistfully, "The Imperial took everything I had…everything that I've ever loved…"

"Not everything, my dear." Marda spoke in quiet understanding, "And you know that."

. . . . . . .

Jyn returned to her room, and walked toward the small window, taking in the scene of the mid-day sun scorching everything lying in its wake. The red sand shimmered and glistened in the fuming heat, and Jyn had to agree with Cassian that the desert was not an ideal place for a home. But he was right, that some people didn't have the luxury to choose. She hadn't, and she was certain Cassian hadn't, either.

She clasped her necklace once again, her fingers rubbing the edges of the stone, with every crevice etched in her memory. Her thoughts flowed to the memories of her mother and her father, as they often do, and she grieved in her heart that the people she loved had been taken from her. Love…what is love but loss and pain, of anguish and punishment. What is love, but be taken from her ever so cruelly.

Yet, even in that torment, her heart was alive and beating, and in her vision, the reverie blurred but one person. Cassian, as she dared to admit. And in the solitude of her room, in the solitude of her world, and against all that she resisted so, she uttered that she loved him.

. . . . . . . .

 **A/N: Thanks for reading! And thanks for all the support! Your support really encourages me *** **smiley face***


	4. Chapter 4

**Salvaged and Alive**

 **Chapter 4**

"You said before sundown."

"I know."

"What happened?"

"We ran into some friends." Cassian briskly trudged past Jyn as she held the door open, with Sewald following closely as the desert had cooled to frigid under the midnight moon. Sewald greeted Marda with a tender hug, for the worry lines on her face were just as deep as those on Jyn's face.

"Friends?" Jyn stood expectedly as Cassian hastily took off his jacket and unloaded the two bags in his hands onto the kitchen table. Marda handed both of the men a cup of steaming liquid, and they obliged with a silent hearty nod.

"There were troopers posted everywhere," it was Sewald who replied to Jyn's unsettled temper. "It was nothing like I've seen before. We could hardly leave the city without inspections."

"They know we escaped." Cassian's sharp wary eyes rested on Jyn, "Is Bastian back?"

"No. He's supposed to be back five hours ago…"

"As expected. The base is on high alert…he may have to wait for clearance." Cassian gritted his teeth as he rummaged through a bag, until he finally found the object of his searching and pulled it out with a tinge of agitation. It was a rusty standard-issue blaster.

"Captain…" Sewald exclaimed in shock and unbelief, "Where did you get that?"

"I stole it."

"We've never had a weapon in this house…ever. We've never needed one."

"You do now."

"But…" Sewald stammered at the sinister sight of a blaster on his very own wooden table, "Captain…this is a peaceful planet."

"Not anymore. And you know it." Cassian exhaled deeply, "The moment you let us in through that door…this place was never going to be safe, ever again."

"We understand that, Captain Andor." Marda spoke with gentle acquiescence, but with a masked bearing of sorrow and grievance.

"If you understand that…" Cassian's tone hushed to match Marda's heavy heart, "Then you'll understand that sooner or later, they will march in through that door…and this is all we've got to protect ourselves. No matter how you feel about it, this _weapon_ isn't going anywhere."

Then with a heavy huff, Cassian quickly picked up the blaster and roughly holstered it into his belt. Jyn looked over him warily, as pang of regret flashed across his darkened eyes. He was tired…very tired. "You should rest…"

"There is no rest." And with that, Cassian nodded hastily toward the older couple, and bounded out of the house, leaving behind the heat of war and turmoil.

. . . . . . .

"Cassian…" Jyn found him leaning against the wooden railing, facing the melancholy of the dim moon in the blackest night of the bleakest horizon. The exact spot where she stood the night before.

"You were right…they didn't ask for this." Cassian muttered softly against the curling gust of chill, "I brought a gun into their house. There will be blood…"

"There are no civilians in a war." She laid her hand firmly on his shoulder, "We're all in this together."

"Some more than others…" Cassian turned to face her, "I got in touch with my contact…"

"Contact?"

"It's too dangerous to send a wave directly to the Rebel base, I suspect all air activities are heavily monitored by the Imperial, now more than ever." He pulled her in closer to him, "I have a contact situated in Zeraph, and we were able to exchange some intel."

"The Death Star plans?"

"They have it."

Jyn exhaled deeply, allowing herself to indulge in quiet elation and even producing a small smile without being aware. But the deep furrows above Cassian's brows remained firmly intact, "The Imperial forces are on edge. My contact intercepted a wave calling for full strike."

"What does that mean for us?"

"Unrestricted surveillance. Jyn, you should've seen the city today…the troopers were everywhere…leaving no damn rocks unturned, I suppose." His eyes glistened in determination, "It's only a matter of days before they come knocking on that door."

"Are they looking for us?"

"Couldn't say for sure. I'd like to believe the Imperial heads think we're dead."

She looked ahead, beyond the glimmering horizon where a ghostly flash had settled mysteriously above the grey. The sun was rearing its head, ever so teasingly. "What will you do?"

"Lay low…for now." Cassian was also watching the thin line of eerie shimmer, "I informed my contact that I'll be staying here for two months."

"Two months…"

"Jyn…" Cassian eyed her with a weary remorse, his voice low and husky, "Jyn…I'm sorry…"

"You don't have to feel sorry for me."

"That's not what I meant…"

And she swiftly stepped away from him, with her head held high as she hurriedly reached for the door, "What you decide to do…it's entirely up to you."

. . . . . . . .

The new morning brought none of the refreshed strength and vigor, as the foursome gathered with their breakfast on the table in surly silence. Sewald ate his porridge in quiet dread of the unknown, Cassian hardly touched his bowl but sat rigidly in pensive unease, and Jyn stared at her bowl with no appetite and her head throbbing in pain. Only Marda appeared to eat heartily, a harmless pretense to ease the palpable tension of the company, but also to hide her own hidden ache of anxiety.

Not a word was exchanged, until Jyn's eyes caught the rattling of her spoon on the table, and felt the ground underneath her feet shudder in some quiet force. Sewald got up from his chair immediately, and looked out the front window, "It's Bastian."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" Bastian muttered rapidly as soon as he walked into the house, "I tried to get here sooner…but it was nearly impossible to get proper clearance. The lengths I had to go through, I mean…"

"What's going on at the capitol?" Cassian cut in sharply and nudged him to get his attention, "What have you heard?"

Bastian gulped hard before sputtering excitedly, "The base detected nine Imperial shuttles leaving Scarif, and only six are accounted for."

"And?"

"They know it was you two who stole the plans, and they also believe you're still alive. Your faces are plastered all over the system…in active search. _Active_ , as in shoot to kill when found."

"Damn…" Cassian cursed under his breath, and locked his feverish eyes with Jyn standing at his side.

"The capitol is on high alert…" Bastian stammered on, "Every planet is on high alert…every city is on high alert…every little speck of anything is on high alert."

"Got it…" Cassian's jaw tightened, and his eyes hardened to black, "How does civilian transport look like?"

"Impossible…" Bastian shook his head with a warning, "Captain Andor, if you're planning to fly any time soon…you can forget about it. Air transport is on high alert, land transport is on high alert…"

Cassian roughly kicked off his chair and walked toward the window, his shoulders rigid and tense. "I'm leaving in two months…"

"Two months?" Bastian snorted, "With a price tag over you head? Are you out of your mind?"

Cassian turned deliberately to face Bastian, with his lips stiffened and his fist clenched, not liking what was just said one bit. Jyn was ready to step in, if she needed to, but Cassian's hardened face slowly reared a bemused smirk. "I'm taking orders from a damn Imperial pilot…"

"Captain Andor…" Bastian took his cue and eased his tone, "Two months is out of the question. More like two years…"

"I don't have two years."

"One year?"

Cassian flashed a willful glance toward Jyn, and he seemed to consider it, "Six months."

"Alright…" Bastian nodded with an uneasy grin, "If that's the best you've got, we'll go with that for now."

. . . . . . . .

The six months were spent with a fixated watchful eye on the window, with persistent look behind their backs, and with Cassian's blaster ominously sitting on their wooden table. The daily life and chores were carried along, to the semblance of an orderly life. But there was nothing mistaking for a life disturbed; every change of wind brought caution, every distant noise brought suspicion, and every movement on their parameter feed brought trembling.

Cassian spent most of the day outside in their metal hub, hating every minute of rest and hoping that keeping busy with his hands would stabilize his sanity. At first, he was helping Sewald with repairing an old land transport, but he moved on to restoring an aged android model he'd found at the bottom of scrap heap. Sewald didn't know how the android was in his possession; however, he was contented to hand over to Cassian's ambitious energy. The android was a low-grade standard issue model, with none of the tactical features of K-2SO that Cassian would much prefer. But the droid kept Cassian distracted from the torment of war, if not for a fleeting moment, and Jyn delighted in the simplicity of laughter whenever he presented her with his progress.

Jyn spent the first month determined to help Marda with household chores, as a proper woman should do. But it became distinctly clear that Jyn was only fooling herself; she did not belong in the kitchen, nor was she a proper woman. It wasn't until Marda suggested that she help Sewald with mechanical duties that she steadily liberated herself from the dreaded kitchen duties, and gladly resigned to outside. Having Cassian in her view as he worked inside the metal hub was perhaps an added benefit.

All day, Jyn learned the tricks of the trade from Sewald, ranging from mechanics of transport, the engineering of basic energy power, and survivalist workings of machinery. Sewald was eager, if not quietly desperate, to teach her these skills, as if he knew she'd be reduced to rely on such knowledge to survive someday. He taught her how to hot wire a land transport, how to make explosives with basic materials, how to rewire a holding cell, and how to disable a blaster. Jyn didn't question not once how and where Sewald had obtained these skills, as she masked her mild surprise that he knew so much about blasters, the very weapon he had detested at being present in his home.

There were some nights that Jyn would look around her, look at Marda and Sewald, and couldn't resist to the simmering possibility that this was her life now, and they were her…family. And Cassian…he belonged with her, as well. But she was prone to foolishness, as she doted far too much whenever his hand brushed against hers, whenever his strong hand rested on her shoulder, and whenever her eyes found his dark eyes looking intently at her. There were times he'd pull her close to him and whisper words of reassurance, and fewer times his eyes would dare to flicker to her lips. And as the days drew farther away, she wasn't ready to let go…of the warmth of his hand, of his spirited smile whenever she sought it, of his determined stance at her side, and of the sweet scent of his nearness. No, she wasn't ready to let go of any of it.

. . . . . . . .

It was two days after six months that Cassian pulled Jyn outside after dinner. He had gone to the main city earlier in the day, and she knew he had some news for her by his dour disposition when he returned. "Jyn, we need to talk…"

"What is it?"

"I received intel from my contact and…" He stammered cautiously, "The alliance wants me back in two weeks."

Jyn didn't know what to say, "What does that mean?"

He smirked with a nervous chuckle, "That means I'm leaving in two weeks."

"You don't have to go…"

"Yes, I do…"

She felt her heart beginning to boil in exasperation and ache, "Is it even safe to fly?"

"I'll find the way."

"Stop it," she clenched her teeth. "Stop being so reckless. You jump into these… _situations_ …and hope for the best that everything will work out somehow. One of these days…your hope will run out…and…and…it will get you killed."

"Then what should I do? Live by safe?" He waved his hands to the cold silent desert around them, "You call this _safe_?"

"Yes…safer than what you're getting yourself into."

"Obviously the hot air has gotten into your head."

"Cassian…"

"Jyn, I'm not afraid of dying. Never have been and never will."

"You don't have to live like that."

"Yes, I do…" Cassian darkened grimace matched the blackness of the night, "Jyn, my entire family sacrificed themselves for the cause of the Rebels. There is no shame in dying for what you believe in, and I won't think twice."

"You don't have to die to _prove_ something."

"Well, I'm sure hell not gonna live in fear, or let fear get in the way."

"Cassian, you can't be thinking you're... _destined_...to die for the Rebels. There is no shame in living."

"Yeah, well, _this_ isn't my life…" He stepped away from her with a light snort, "This life of…eating porridge…sleeping in warm bed…playing with metal trinkets…keeping my blaster hidden because it scares the folks. Jyn, no matter what you'd like to believe, this isn't the life for me. I don't belong here."

"Didn't realize you hated this place so much…"

"Jyn...please…" Cassian's hand lingered over her shaking arm, "Please…you gotta understand that…"

"You belong with the Rebel army…"

"I've given my life over to the cause a long time ago, and I'm not about to turn back."

"And I'd never ask you to." She cursed at herself for the welling of her tears, and clenched her fists to fight them back, "I think it's best that you leave tomorrow. I don't see why you need to wait two weeks."

"What…"

"I'm sure the alliance business is urgent, and it's best that you oblige their request. At your earliest, tomorrow."

"Jyn, you're being ridiculous…"

"And Cassian, do me a favor." She stood her ground, and stiffened her legs to conceal their trembling, "Once you leave this place, don't think of me anymore."

"What are you saying…"

"Leave everything behind…everything that you know behind. Memories will only get in the way of your focus." She was determined, "Forget about me altogether."

"Jyn…" Cassian held out his hand toward her, "You know I can't do that…"

"It's what's best…for you."

"Jyn, I can't ever forget you…" He brushed his hand upon her cheek, "I don't want to forget you…"

She slowly turned her face from his pulsating touch, "Cassian…you and I don't belong in the same world, and you know that."

"It doesn't mean that we…"

"I don't want to be some _memory_ you hold onto." She braved a smile, "Please…leave in peace, knowing that I'm alive. And let it all go when you see the last of this planet."

"Jyn…"

"And don't ever come back."

"You don't mean that…"

"Yes, I do."

She didn't flinch at the harshness of her words, but Cassian stood back silently with his mouth ajar, taken aback by her stark requests without a semblance of remorse. He combed through his hair roughly, as if it'd clear his head, "So…this is it, huh? After all that we've been through, it has come to this. Unbelievable…"

"I'm sorry, Cassian."

"Are you sorry? Really?" His eyes wandered pensively toward the bleak horizon, "You might as well rip out my heart, destroy it into pieces, and tell me you're sorry. I'd probably feel the same as I do right now..."

And as if the black yonder had given him a sliver of courage, Cassian tried one more time as he gently grasped her arms in his hands, "Jyn…tell me…is this what you really want? Please…I'm begging you…tell me the truth."

"Cassian…" She felt herself breaking down, overwhelmed in the weakness at his pleading and the heat of his touch. She felt herself lost in a wave, carrying her along where she gave in to her heart and the emotions that engulfed it. She wanted to tell him that she wished him to stay. She wanted to tell him that she didn't want to live without him. She wanted to tell him she loved him, most desperately. "Yes…that is what I want."

"Ok…ok…" His face fell in ashen anguish, and his hands now hung at his side with limp surrender, "I don't know why you're doing this, but…"

Cassian's words hung in dense silence between them, as he seemed to have completely lost the strength to put up the tumultuous fight. Only a distant scrimmaging of a desert animal was heard in the air, with its dull hollow cry a melancholic note between them. Jyn couldn't face him, and instead focused on her trembling hands. What has she done? What has she done to Cassian?

"Promise me one thing. Will you?" He finally spoke, his voice dry and spent, "Please…Jyn…I'm asking you."

"What is it?"

"The droid, it's not completely finished, but it'll manage. I reprogrammed him, for you." He inhaled a fitful of air, "Can you promise me you'll keep him at your side?"

"I don't need a droid…"

"Jyn…if this is the last thing you can do for me…please…promise me you'll keep him at your side."

She locked eyes with him, being startled at the fiery demand reflected in his sharp gaze. "Alright…I promise. I'll keep the droid."

. . . . . . . .

 **A/N: Thank you for reading! And that you for all the support! I feel like I'm not quite sure how to write Cassian, but recently I saw an interview of Diego Luna, and he described him as "non-sentimental." So that's what I'm** _ **trying**_ **to do!**


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